Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
