This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
