I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
