I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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