I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
