im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
