I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
