tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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