he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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