Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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