it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
