He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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