I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
