I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
