For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
