Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
