First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
