I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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