Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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