Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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