so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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