She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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