I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
