i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
