fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
