i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
