so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
