thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
