A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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