It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
