I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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