woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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