So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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