I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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