I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
