I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
