At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
