the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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