it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
