hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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