Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
