how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
