I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize