mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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