You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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