Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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