We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
