Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
