If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
