He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
