a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
