I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
