Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
