You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
