I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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