Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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