I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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