And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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