apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Even my vagina gasped.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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