I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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