and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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