i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
