I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize