Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
