so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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