we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
