I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
