Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
