what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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