i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
