I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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