Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
