Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
