she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize