Will you blow on my dice?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
